Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Voice of God
5:30 am: Cell phone buzzes in the depths of my pillowcase.
My first thoughts --"Nooooo...it can't already be 5:30. O Lord I'm so tired I can hardly move, somehow You've got to get me through this day."
"I'm so tired...maybe I can afford to get up at 6...maybe..." I quickly set another alarm and drift off.
6:00 am: Phone buzzes in my hand. "Ok, this is it. You've got to get up Heather!" I propped myself up on my elbow in bed and began a sleep muddled, foggy minded prayer...."Oh God please help me..."
"...Lord, clinicals were so exhausting last night - I didn't get to bed til nearly 1 am. I've got so much to do today. I've pushed it as it is. I don't even feel like I have time for quiet time with You...but I'm going to put You first because You're my everything. I'm so weak dear God - I feel like I've reached the end of my energy..."
"...Heavenly Father there is no way I can make it through today without you. I've got nothing left in me. You've promise to perfect Your strength in us when we're weak...well I'm weak Lord and I'm choosing to trust. Help me to just get out of bed and live today for Your glory."
With great effort I throw back the covers, maneuver down my ladder, stubble over to my desk and start looking for my Bible. "Where is it? I must have stuck it in my backpack or purse or bag or...oh I'm just too tired to rummage through every bag." Impulsively I grab a book off the shelf: Desire of Ages.
I Shuffle out the door, around the corner to the hall lobby and collapse by a chair in the corner.
" Lord, here I am again. I'm here to connect with You but my thoughts are hardly coherent. I need Your Spirit to teach me something...somehow...if possible please somehow keep me awake..."
"Lord I want to hear You...please speak through Your prophets writings..." *pause* I jerk myself awake enough to manage some sort of "amen". I crawl into the chair, blink my eyes a few times to clear the sleepy haze, opened the book randomly in the middle and read:
Chapter 34 -- The Invitation
"Come unto Me, all ye that labor and are heavey-laden, and I will give you rest. ...
In these words Christ is speaking to every human being. Whether they know it or not, all are weary and heavy-laden. All are weighed down with burdens that only Christ can remove... He has borne the burden of our guilt. He will take the load from our weary shoulders. He will give us rest. The burden of care and sorrow also He will bear. He invites us to cast all our care upon Him; for He carries us upon His heart.
He is watching aver you, trembling child of God. Are you tempted? He will deliver. Are you weak? He will strengthen. Are you ignorant? He will enlighten. Are you wounded? He will heal. ...
Come unto Me is His invitation. Whatever your anxieties and trials, spread out your case before the Lord. Your spirit will be braced for endurance....
The weaker and more helpless you know yourself to be, the stronger will you become in His strength. The heavier your burdens, the more blessed the rest in casting them upon the Burden Bearer."
And in the midst of silence, I heard the voice of God.